09 2 / 2012

I wrote this entry a few weeks ago as I was finishing my grad school applications. As I was working on them, this came to mind…

There are times when I want to hop on a train, take a seat by the window, pop in my headphones, pick some pretty acoustic music as the soundtrack for my journey, all with no clear intention of where I want to go or where I’m headed.

Life is a journey, some say. And a train can be used as a metaphor for life. You hop on a train, sometimes knowing the final destination and other times, not. Sometimes, you take a detour, or have to get off in order to connect to another train, another part of your journey. One train leads you to another, as you drive along, you make a number of stops and each time, you have an opportunity to get out and get back on. Sometimes you end up on the wrong train, headed into the unknown and have to find your way back. 

This whole thought about being on a train came about yesterday afternoon when I was sitting at home in the kitchen, checking my application status for grad school, sipping a cup of coffee and listening to music by the likes of Ellie Goulding and Justin Nozuka. As I watched the snow fall and settle on the ground, I thought about what it might be like to be on a train, driving through the countryside and watching the snow fall upon hills and fields. This is something I’ve seen before, during my study abroad in England. I also reflected on my own life, what I’ve done, where I am now and where I want to be.

Thinking about my own life in comparision to a journey on a train, I suppose I’ve been on several different trains. This leads me to think of having different trains of thoughts (note the train metaphor haha). I started out wanting to study medicine and be a doctor. That soon changed to me pursuing English and History, two of my academic strengths, something I knew I was good at. However, I had always had an interest in both these subjects and so this transformed into something I really enjoyed academically and personally. Then before I knew it, the four years of my undergrad had flown by and I was left yet again trying to figure out my life. During those four years, I had transferred universities, jumping from one train to a second one, then taking a stop in jolly good England for a semester abroad.

This train, this journey I’m on now, I think I have figured out what it is I want to do. It’s just a matter of trying to get there.

Like a train, sometimes I struggle and grow weary and lose gumption to continue to truge along like a train. I’ve tried to figure out how I can take this shiny B.A. Honours degree and do something meaningful with my life. And I think it’s something I’ve known all along, it’s just a matter of taking this and transforming it into something I can pursue as a career, not only as work, but as something I am truly passionate about and enjoy.

There are times when I have come close to derailing. My first year of university was tough and probably one of the darkest times of my life, dealing with my dad passing away and adjusting to life as a university student, living away from home. Sometimes I’ve wondering whether I’m headed in the right direction, whether I’m getting to where I want to be. I think we all reach that point, some kind of breaking point.

I think about my life as a train and the people who have come into my life and those who have left. There are people who have hopped on the Avi Express and have stayed with me on this journey, have always been there for me and believe in me. I’ve had so much fun with these people and I treasure them. Then there are people who have left, people who I was definitely meant to meet, but only for a short period of time. It’s happened because we’ve grown apart after things like high school and university, people who have passed away and of course, men who I have cared for, had feelings for and things just haven’t worked out. Although they’re no longer on this journey with me, there’s still a part of them that remains in one car of the train, one of memories, both good times and bad times.

With that, I leave you with a song by Justin Nozuka called Golden Train: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2IoMOQkBx4.

xoxo Avi